Travelling Alone – As a Woman

I mentioned in my previous post that people are always so shocked when I tell them I travelled alone, and it seems that the biggest issue they have with that is that I’m a woman. I guess they are assuming that I would have a particularly hard time travelling alone since we live in a patriarchal world where women actually have to think about things like how not to get raped. There are definitely different attitudes towards women in different parts of the world, and some countries consist of cultures that endorse disrespect and violence towards women more than others. I’m not here to pass judgment on different cultures per se, or discuss politics in any way. Those issues are far too complex for me to delve into on my blog, and I don’t necessarily have a resolute opinion on them. That said, I’m all for gender equality, and being treated with disrespect because I am a woman is one of my least favourite things about travelling, and life in general. I just want to explain how I perceived my travel experiences to be different from a man’s travel experiences, how I dealt with harassment, and why it shouldn’t be a reason for women not to travel on their own.

Yes, I did experience sexual harassment while I was away, but no, it did not detract from my travel experience. Guess what! I’ve been sexually harassed in Canada too! Just yesterday I decided to wear a dress because it was so nice out in Toronto. I felt nervous about someone commenting on it the whole time I was walking outside. Sure enough, some random older man mumbled, “looking sexy” as he passed me on the sidewalk. Ugh. That doesn’t make me want to leave Canada; it just makes me wish that the world were different. Sexism and sexual harassment are issues that women deal with constantly, be it consciously or not, or while they are travelling or not. I can’t say too much about what it’s like to be a local woman in most of the countries that I visited, and I also can't really say what it's like to be anything other than a woman, so I want to be clear that what I’m writing is only about how I perceived my gender affected the way I was treated when I was abroad. I apologize for the gender-normative perspective of this post!

While travelling in many places I stand out because I look different; the unwanted attention I get is therefore partially because I’m a foreigner. All travellers get harassed to a certain extent for being foreigners, regardless of gender. This usually comes in the form of people trying very hard to sell you something, and occasionally people are rude because they simply resent you for being more privileged than they are. There is some positive attention received too, like when people want to take a picture with you, or just talk to you because you’re so different. I totally understand and accept that while I’m walking around staring at people from other cultures, they are staring at me as well. But I also received a lot of unwanted attention from men in the form of whistles, gross comments, rude gestures, etc. that had more to do with me being a woman than me being a foreigner.

There were some countries in which I received little to no harassment, including all of the countries where I didn’t stand out from the locals due to my looks (Chile, Argentina, Australia, and New Zealand). I was also not much bothered in Bolivia, Burma, or Thailand. It seemed like people in Bolivia and Burma were generally more timid and polite when it came to talking to foreigners, whether they be male or female. Additionally, I was just one in a zillion backpackers in Thailand, so I didn’t really stand out and get incessantly harassed there either. Just don’t get me started on Yan, the craziest woman-hating hostel manager ever, who operates out of Haad Rin in Koh Phagnan, Thailand.

Same same but different - it's hard to stand out in this crowd! Full Moon Party, Thailand

I have never been physically assaulted in a violent manner; as such, most of the abuse I received was verbal. There was the occasional ass grab or forced hug that I did not want at all, but I was never really afraid of my life being in danger due to sexual harassment. Instead I was just afraid of freely talking to people, in case I gave them the wrong impression. And that sucked! Why should I have to put up with that crap just because I’m a woman?

I was upset that when someone shouted a lewd comment at me, I wasn’t able to do anything to make them treat me like any other human being. It seemed like no matter what I said or gestured back to someone harassing me, all I would get was a bigger response and more attention than I was looking for. For example, giving someone the finger, my biggest defense in the past, seemed to have zero effect in South America, a place where the macho culture of harassment became particularly tiresome. I complained to my mother about this and she told me that in Spain, people gave “devil horns” and maybe that would have a greater effect than the middle finger. Devil horns involve sticking up only your pinky and index finger. One day I was sitting on a bench with a female friend in a small town in Northern Peru, when a much older man passed by and whistled at us. I decided to put the devil horns to the test and slowly raised my hand while staring back at him. The man was shocked. He literally gasped and covered his face with his hands. It worked! Or so I thought. The man ended up thinking it was hilarious and kept coming back to stare and whistle at us more. Conclusion: the best thing you can do when people are behaving like that is to ignore them. But that is easier said than done, especially when you’ve been travelling and dealing with disrespectful men for a long time.

I have had some less-than-proud moments in dealing with sexual harassment in my travels. One day stands out in particular: I was in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, again. KL is one of my least favourite cities in the world, mainly due to the huge population, the heat, and the atrocious air quality; however it’s a major travel hub so I spent more time there than I would have liked. At one point I was staying in a hostel in the Indian Quarter, and had been dealing with men staring at me and wanting to shake my hand and touch me for a couple of days already. I was walking down the street back to my hostel, feeling generally irritated because of the city, when I passed by a bunch of guys leaning against cars. The first guy I passed said something like, “Hey, sexy lady!” I ignored him. The next guy said something similar and I replied with, “Fuck off!” and gave him the finger. The third guy in line said something similar as well, and I must have looked at him with crazy eyes because he followed it up with a very concerned sounding, “Are you OK?” I threw my arms up and said, “No, I’m not OK! All of you leave me alone!” And with that I ran back to my hostel and didn’t come out for the rest of the day. I even started writing a giant essay about disrespect on my iPod Touch, which helped me cool down. I felt bad because I blew up at that one guy, when really it was the collective harassment I had been receiving that made me so angry. Obviously that one guy wasn’t trying to be malicious, but for some reason he thought I would be OK with him making comments as I walked past him on my own.

Petronas Towers - a symbol of modernity in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia

I’ve had friends tell me that I’m overly sensitive to sexual harassment. I’ve heard that I shouldn’t mind it because it’s part of the culture, that I should take it as a compliment, or that it’s just not a big deal. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s fine for people to express romantic interest in each other; but it shouldn’t be done in a way that makes the other person feel like some kind of target. What exactly does sitting on the side of the road, spewing lewd comments about someone’s appearance as they walk past you really accomplish? That is, besides make someone feel self-conscious and worried that a stranger might advance upon him/her. I wonder how often, “Hey sexy lady, want to come with me?” actually works. I hope never!

I want to note that men experience sexual harassment from local and foreign women while travelling as well. I have heard accounts of men being badgered and receiving unwanted gropes while trying to be friendly and mingling with others. This is equally unacceptable, but from my experience it is a much less pervasive problem.

I also want to acknowledge the fact that in some instances perceived sexual harassment is the result of a miscommunication caused by differences in cultural norms regarding romantic relationships. I have met many men and women who went dancing one night, kissed a local person, and suddenly found themselves in what seemed like a serious relationship with a borderline stalker. It’s important to read up on what the standard practice for courtship is before going to a country. Equally, it’s important to present yourself in accordance with local customs. For example, I wouldn’t walk around a Muslim-majority country in skimpy clothing, no matter how hot it was, because I understand that modesty is important in such a culture. I may not agree with the concept, but I respect other people’s beliefs and I also just don’t want that kind of attention.

Respectfully covered up during my visit to Angkor Wat (the largest religious monument in the world) in Cambodia, despite the crazy heat!

I feel like my post has been pretty negative up until this point, but I’m just picking out specific examples to elucidate what kind of sexual harassment I experienced. Obviously I had an amazing time travelling for two years, and there were so many more positive experiences than negative ones. The balance was completely tipped towards the side of awesome, and I never dwelled on the bad experiences for long. I want to share a really positive story now to give you a glimpse of the other side of my gender-specific experience.

As mentioned above, I found Burma to be filled with a lot of wonderful, respectful people. I think I met one mean guy in the whole country, and I was there for over three weeks! A great deal of this is owed to the fact that tourists have not visited the country very much up until now. The concept of making money off of rich visitors hasn’t really sunken in, and men don’t find it appropriate to harass foreign women yet. On the contrary, people are really excited to see tourists in their country and wish to show them a great time.

My time in Burma was amazing every step of the way, but the most epic part was when I went to the 67^th annual Taunggyi Fire Balloon Festival. The whole idea of the festival is ridiculously amazing in and of itself. I mean, giant hot air balloons exploding with fireworks in the night sky? Whaaat?! I went to the festival one night with a large crowd of travellers that I met along the way, and we had a lot of fun together. But what really made the festival an experience to remember was the men. I heard reports of 100,000 people being present the night that I went. Imagine an endless sea of drunken people dancing and having a great time. Most of the women were sitting on the sidelines to watch the explosions, so now imagine that the endless sea of people was really an endless sea of men. When our group first got down to the action I was a little apprehensive. People were partying hard and I was afraid that being surrounded by all these young, drunk guys might lead to trouble. It didn’t. At one point we made it down to the carnival ride area (that’s a whole other story!) and there was a dance party/mosh pit going on. The men were all dancing with each other, grabbing each other’s hands, jumping up and down, hugging, and even kissing! At first they only grabbed the men in our travel group to join in, but then one guy must have taken pity on me and grabbed my hand too. This resulted in me holding hands with a ton of men and jumping up and down for the next couple of hours. Again, I was nervous about giving someone the wrong idea or someone taking advantage of me in this situation. I felt very vulnerable being surrounded by all these rowdy guys, but I soon realized that they weren’t going to do anything different to me just because I was a woman (besides the one dude with a mental illness who put my finger in his mouth when I wasn’t looking!). They all just genuinely wanted me and my friends to have a good time, and damn, I had a great night! It was such an intense experience, and I thank those men for showing me hospitality and respect.

A hot air balloon exploding over the giant crowd at the Taunggyi Fire Balloon Festival in Burma

Mob of men dancing their asses off at the Taunggyi Fire Balloon Festival

To sum it all up, I did receive sexual harassment in many places when I was travelling, and it often seemed to stem from the fact that I was a foreign woman. I’m sure there are many reasons why the impression that single women love random guys directing sexual comments towards them has pervaded many cultures, but it makes me angry. I fully encourage solo travel as a woman in all of the countries I have been to, but it’s important to keep in mind that in some places it is acceptable to objectify women to such a great degree, and that what are considered normal actions at home may be considered flirtatious or promiscuous in other cultures. It is also important not to let sexist crap get in your way of enjoying a culture and getting to know individuals who come from a completely different world than you do. There are disrespectful people everywhere you go in the world, but I’ve found that there are a lot more good, respectful people. Go meet the good people!