Flying Solo

The reaction I most often get when I talk about my travel experiences is shock and awe that I travelled alone, especially being that I’m a woman. I have a lot to say on both topics independently so I’m going to focus on the "being alone" part in this post. The next installment will be about my feelings on being a travelling independent diva, and the sexual harassment I encountered around the world. The main point I want to get across in this post is that it is very easy to make friends while travelling, so you don’t have to be alone if you don’t want to be!

Believe it or not, I consider myself shy. I had anxiety issues as a child, and I’m often stuck inside my head. I came out of my shell a lot when I started university, but I’m still introverted and need my alone time to recharge after being in social situations. That said, I love making new connections and I like to keep busy, so I tend to be a bit of a social organizer and quickly establish a friend network whenever I go somewhere new. Travelling has helped me gain a great deal of confidence when it comes to talking to strangers and pushing myself outside of my comfort zone. It turns out that most people in the world are really nice! Additionally, most people, especially travellers, are also seeking new friendships and are extremely open to establishing a connection with another human being.

I travelled alone a few times before I left on my big trip. The first time was when I was 20 years old and spent a summer interning at the University of Bayreuth in Bavaria, Germany. I took every opportunity I had to explore more of Germany and Europe that summer. Every weekend I went to a new city, and thanks to Facebook I was able to meet up with other North Americans doing internships in different parts of Germany. Friendships were quickly formed and I ended up travelling with the same people more than once. I’m pretty sure I developed a laughing problem, and I got to see so many beautiful things that I didn’t even know existed before! I felt so free. I had very few responsibilities, and nobody knew me so I felt like I could just be myself – there were few social expectations, and few consequences.

A group of interns hanging out in Prague, 2007

The summer after that one I headed to Montreal, another place where I didn’t know anybody. Before I moved there and embarked on my Master’s training I wanted to travel somewhere new. I only had three weeks to spare, and nobody to travel with, so I booked a guided adventure tour through Costa Rica. I felt comfortable going alone since I would be in a tour group, and I already knew that I didn’t need my friends to travel with me to have fun. I thoroughly enjoyed my time in Costa Rica, and when I returned to Canada, I thoroughly enjoyed moving to Montreal. All of these amazing experiences contributed to why I didn’t have many qualms about leaving Canada on my own to see more of the world after completing my Master’s.

Even though I was a bit nervous before leaving (mainly about not meeting people, and being lonely), I was not really worried that something bad was going to happen to me. Nothing ever had before. I was sad to be leaving my friends and family for such a long time, but I was definitely not as scared of leaving as everyone else in my life was. So many people told me I was crazy for going alone that I was beginning to believe it. As I took the bus from Toronto to NYC, where I started my adventure, I really pondered the idea that I was insane and just didn’t realize it. What was everyone else seeing that I wasn’t? Nonetheless, after spending a fun week in NYC with some friends, I flew to Colombia with everything I thought I would need on my back.

NYC - $1 beer?! The world is a truly wonderful place!

I had an overnight layover in Bogota, which I spent sleeping in the airport. I parked myself in front of the police station and tried to sleep, but I swear the woman vacuuming the place had it in for me, and I barely slept a wink. I finally arrived in sweltering hot Cartagena at 8:30 am. I wasn’t able to check into my hostel until 2 pm so I put my bag in storage, took a shower, and went to the common area. Everyone was getting ready for their day and I felt a little out of place. After checking my email a few times and pretending I had something to do for a while, I finally approached a group of people my age and introduced myself. They had all just met each other at the hostel and were super friendly. I spent a few days with them exploring the area, and from then on I didn’t fear being alone.

3rd day of my trip - El Totumo Mud Volcano near Cartagena, Colombia

While backpacking in South America, Australia, New Zealand, and Southeast Asia, I made the majority of my friends in the hostels I stayed in. Although I was travelling alone, I was almost never actually alone. What people who don’t travel don’t realize is that there are thousands of us crazies out there. I encountered so many different people doing similar trips to mine, and all of them were equally open to meeting new people and discovering new places as I was. I would often meet a person or a group of people at a hostel and end up travelling with them for a few days or a few weeks. Each of us had our own goals, so we would eventually part ways, but sometimes we would meet up again, either randomly or on purpose. I became part of a very strong network of travellers who became my family while I was away. Despite everyone being so different, all of us travellers shared one important trait – wanderlust. This served as a common ground for relationships to be built upon. When you’re backpacking, you only need one big night out to solidify a friendship and trust someone with your life. The intensity of living every day, as well as the sheer amount of new experiences you fit into a week while travelling creates a very strong bond between people who meet on the road.

Quito, Ecuador - One of the best groups I travelled with!

Lima, Peru - Magical Fountain Circuit with another awesome group of travel buddies.

Turbulence! Full Moon Party, Thailand

After a shift at the Dolphin Shack in Sihanoukville, Cambodia - We all snuggled and fell asleep watching Disney movies :)

I did often take the bus from one town to another by myself, but I actually treasured that alone time. My introverted self needed to recharge after being with other people for such a prolonged amount of time. Additionally, saying goodbye over and over again is emotionally draining, and I needed time alone to come to terms with it, and psych myself up for doing it all over again.

I spent a long time actually living in Australia and not staying in hostels. So how did I meet people there, you ask? A few of my friends were coworkers and housemates, but I made the majority of my friends through the wonderful world of Couchsurfing! I almost feel like the topic of Couchsurfing  deserves its own separate post, and maybe I will write one eventually, but it is really integral to how I met people during a good portion of my time abroad so I’m going to include it in here. Couchsurfing.org is a website that was originally created to facilitate finding a place to crash while in a new city. It has evolved into an amazing online community of travellers and internationally-minded people who are not only willing to host a stranger in their home, or be a stranger in someone else’s home, but who also just like meeting new people in the city they live in. I had been part of Couchsurfing (CS) for a couple of years before I left, but my experiences were limited to attending a few very French parties in Montreal, and meeting couchsurfers who were staying with my friends. When I looked into hostels in Australia I almost shat myself because they were so expensive compared to South America, so I turned to CS as an alternative. I ended up being hosted by the always charming and enthusiastic Will, and very quickly became enchanted with the CS community in Melbourne.

After finding a place to live and leaving Will’s apartment, I started attending CS events in Melbourne. There are a lot of them! I soon had something to do almost every night of the week, and I met a ton of incredible people. When I moved to Brisbane, I again went to a CS event (lawn bowls!) to meet people. I lucked out and met a group of ridiculously cool travellers who had just moved there as well, which led to having an amazing time in Brisbane too. Just like backpackers had, couchsurfers became my family and I never felt alone for the year I lived in Oz. I also couchsurfed and used CS to meet locals in a few other countries while I was travelling. Always a good experience!

Australia Day CS human pyramid in Melbourne! (not sure whose photo this is!)

Just being happy (not picking my nose!) in Melbourne :) (photo credit: Solange Herrera)

Nimbin MardiGrass Festival!

Sexy times with the Brisbane CS crew

While it’s hard for me to admit, there are some downsides to travelling alone. The main one is actually being alone when things get shitty. This could happen a few ways, but my only bad experience was literally very shitty – I got terrible food poisoning! I won’t go into details (maybe in another post!), but I had just gone off on my own in Peru when I got sick and ended up spending three days locked in a bathroom in a terrible hostel, with nobody to take care of me except the cleaning lady who thought I was a very weird gringa! On the flipside, I ended up meeting some great people because I decided to go to a big city and rest instead of going hiking in the mountains. And because I was ill for a while, I was eventually cared for by some truly kind people. I was also injured in Melbourne (I think I’ll save that embarrassing story for another post as well), and again was the recipient of the kindness of international strangers (couchsurfers, this time) who took care of me. I just want to note that going through that hard time alone definitely developed my character and my independence. Yes, all I wanted was my mommy when I was sick, but she couldn’t fly down and I ended up getting through it just fine. If I can endure an experience like that, I’m pretty confident that I can endure most things that life throws my way.

Another negative aspect to travelling alone is the constant goodbyes. You think you’d get used to it, but it just never gets easier. I heard the following lyric from a songwriter I met when I was in Vilcabamba, Ecuador: “Hate to leave, but love to go.” That perfectly sums up the feeling you get when you move from one place to another. After putting your heart and soul into friendships and getting to know a place, it’s very difficult to leave and start fresh; however wanderlust constantly pulls us travellers and we keep on moving. Although it can be sad or even heartbreaking to leave someone you’ve bonded with, at least you’re left with a meaningful experience and the knowledge that one day you’ll have a place to crash if you happen to travel to the country someone you met along the way lives in.

Completely lost during a hike in Vilcabamba, Ecuador.
Even if you don't know where you're going, you just gotta keep moving forward!

On the other hand, sometimes the person you’re travelling with turns out to be a jerk face, and he starts ruining your precious time abroad. The beauty of solo travel is that you can say, “Sayonora, asshat!” and just leave. I had to do that once or twice, and the moment I was alone again I felt my freedom return and was much happier.

For me it wasn’t just that I wanted to see new places or get away from someone I didn’t like; I often separated from my travel buddies because I just felt that it was time to strike out on my own again. I love travelling with people, whether they are old friends or new ones, but my experience is that after a while I start becoming too comfortable and isolated, and I need to venture off on my own if I want to have more interesting experiences. While it is nice to always have someone have your back, and clean you up after you puke on yourself, travelling with someone else means that you play it safe. If you already have a friend, your need to make new ones diminishes, and as a result you reduce the amount of cool people you meet and new experiences that you have.

One reason people are afraid to travel alone is they think they will be more vulnerable to crime. From my experience, that simply is not true. I will talk about crime in another post, but I really want to assert that being afraid of being a victim is not a good reason to avoid travelling solo. Yes, some parts of the world are more dangerous than others, and yes it is probable that a mugger will attack someone walking alone more often than someone walking in a group; however I would question why someone is walking alone in a dangerous area when there are so many opportunities to avoid that type of situation. Additionally, there are a lot of people available to help you if you find yourself in a pickle - you don’t need your best friend from grade 3 to be by your side. People are afraid of what they don’t know, but the truth is that there are good and bad people anywhere you go. Don't let the bad people hold you back!

And with that rant I come to the end of this post. Don’t be afraid to travel solo! The hardest step is the first one, and after you take it you realize that meeting people and seeing the world is easy as pie! Making friends on the road is far easier than making friends in your hometown, where people are stuck in their ways. You will not only have the time of your life if you travel on your own, but you will gain so much confidence in yourself and the rest of humanity that you will be changed forever. I cannot stress enough how brilliant it is to go off on your own and experience the freedom of solo travel. DO IT!

Freeeedom! (photo credit: Grant Smith)